Hello peeps!
I recently caught my first smallmouth bass in twenty plus years just about 300 meters offshore in front of my home on the lake. As I thought about the enjoyment of reeling the fish in and marvelling at its dimensions, I recalled the fishing adventures in my youth.
When I was about twelve years old, my friend Vince and I were old enough to go fishing on our own. We started out at a place known at the time as “Big Ditch”. On any Saturday morning there would be guys we knew out there on the bank fishing for whatever might be swimming along. It was a good spot for us because we were young, and the water wasn’t deep or dangerous in anyway.
Over the next few years fishing became an obsession for the two of us and we were constantly in search of the elusive smallmouth bass or as we referred to it, the black bass. As we grew, we expanded our fishing grounds to the east break wall, Schofield’s Marina, and Ramey’s Bend. We spent hours of solitude with our cups of crayfish as we had learned that this was the best bait for out intended catch.
When I was out fishing, I remember the feeling of sadness when we were down to our last crayfish, and it was time to go home. Don’t misunderstand, I had a wonderful childhood. I just had time to think. The more I thought I concluded that I could never be happy. These were my pubescent years, and I was struggling with the conflict of noticing, and liking girls versus my urges to be one of the girls.
Imagine a time when there was no internet to provide definitions and labels. I didn’t know what a trans person was nor was I aware of the existence of lesbians. Thus, it was all black and white for me. I couldn’t “like” girls and ever expect to be liked by them given the fact that I felt like one of them. For a young mind in a small town where information was limited to definitions in a dictionary, it seemed bleak.
Sometimes I wonder how I survived, but then there are moments that provide clues. The enjoyment of reeling in that bass was enlightening. In the absence of effective medical treatments for anxiety and depression, I instinctively found ways to enjoy life through sport and music and segregate my other feelings. I was able to effectively push these confusing and undefined feelings into a closet where they would reside until a much later time. I am very happy to know that children today have much more access to information than I had. At least they aren’t left wondering what they are. This said, it is still vital that these feelings are sorted with assistance of qualified health professionals to prevent harm.
As I have said previously, sexuality and gender are separate issues and thus a preference for a same sex partner in no way indicates Gender Dysphoria. Further, concurrent mental illnesses like depression or anxiety may muddy the waters as they can be symptoms of Gender Dysphoria, but they can also stand on their own. One can easily see the need for highly trained healthcare providers to assist patients and their parents in sorting through the quagmire.
I must say that now that the closet is empty and I am past all of the confusion, fishing has become much more of a simple pleasure!
Enjoy your day and please be kind to those you meet.